PR Newswire, Jan. 1, 2021: FOX ANNOUNCES REBOOT OF CLASSIC DONALD TRUMP REALITY SHOW FEATURING ORDINARY AMERICANS COMPETING TO PAY THE LOWEST TAXES. The Fox group launched instantly that it is launching a model new mannequin of President Donald Trump’s hit actuality current “The Apprentice,” to be hosted by the President as he awaits his return to the White Residence, whereas the fraudulent outcomes of the most recent election are overturned by the Supreme Courtroom. The première episode will air on January 20, 2021, as an alternative to watching the hoax Inauguration.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE (screaming V.O.): Women and gents, leaders and fighters for freedom and liberty and the American Dream, keep from the Southern White Residence in Palm Seaside, Florida, it’s “The Apprentice 2021: Tax Masters”!
PRESIDENT TRUMP: O.Okay., let’s go. What’s your title?
CONTESTANT No. 1: Hey, I’m Agnes Wallace.
TRUMP: “Sir.”
CONTESTANT No. 1: Oh, certain, sorry, they instructed me about that backstage. My title, sir, is, sir, Agnes Wallace, sir.
TRUMP: And what do you do, Agnes?
CONTESTANT No. 1: I’m a schoolteacher. Sir. At a public school in Chicago and—
TRUMP: Uh-huh. So that you just’re a loser? I’m undecided what we’ll do, nonetheless let’s take a look. Are these your tax returns? (pages by means of doc) It says proper right here that you just spent seven hundred and fifty {{dollars}} on school gives. I like that amount, not lower than.
CONTESTANT No. 1: Certain, the varsity didn’t have paintbrushes and completely different art work gives for the kids so I bought them with my very personal money.
TRUMP: Sucker. You spent seven hundred and fifty {{dollars}} on crayons?
CONTESTANT No. 1: Certain. $761.80, to be exact.
TRUMP: So that you just really reported decrease than you spent? (shaking head) Wow. You’re hopeless. All correct, so, first off, let’s add a zero. Seventy-five hundred {{dollars}} for art work gives.
CONTESTANT No. 1: I don’t assume anyone will think about that I spent seventy-five hundred {{dollars}} on art work gives.
TRUMP: Correctly, in that case, there’s no motive to not add two zeroes. Seventy-five thousand {{dollars}} on art work gives. Since you paid forty-two thousand {{dollars}} in taxes, you deduct the seventy-five thousand {{dollars}} you spent on art work gives as a enterprise expense, and likewise you’ll be entitled to a refund of, I don’t know, twenty-five thousand {{dollars}} or one factor—fifty to fifty thousand {{dollars}}.
CONTESTANT No. 1: Nevertheless I can’t legally deduct the art work gives as a enterprise expense.
TRUMP: Why not?
CONTESTANT No. 1: On account of I work at a public school. It’s not a enterprise.
TRUMP: Yeah, correctly, you see, that’s the problem correct there. O.Okay., Abner—
CONTESTANT No. 1: It’s Agnes, sir.
TRUMP: You appear to be an Abner. Ivanka, inform him what he should do.
IVANKA: Abner, it is essential to include your company. . . . What do you do as soon as extra?
CONTESTANT No. 1: I’m a coach, Ma’am.
IVANKA: Correct. Coach. As a partner and mother, I’ve quite a bit respect for . . . what was it as soon as extra?
CONTESTANT No. 1: Teachers.
IVANKA: Certain. So your company can current “instructing corporations” and lease you as a “instructing advertising marketing consultant.” That’s one of the simplest ways we usually do it. After which all of the issues is tax-deductible—your plane . . .
CONTESTANT No. 1: I don’t have a automotive. I can’t afford a plane.
TRUMP: You truly should. It’ll improve your productiveness by a thousand per cent. Add a zero. Ten thousand per cent.
IVANKA: And you might deduct the worth of buying your golf applications supplied that you just play golf recurrently nonetheless not so recurrently that they start creating wealth.
CONTESTANT No. 1: I don’t have any golf applications. I’ve under no circumstances even carried out golf.
TRUMP: That’s one different huge draw back correct there. Within the occasion you and your fellow-citizens had been a bit bit additional contemplating collaborating in golf and quite much less contemplating instructing, this nation wouldn’t be such a disaster.
IVANKA: Do you deduct your hair styling?
CONTESTANT No. 1: I decrease my very personal hair.
IVANKA: We are going to see that.
TRUMP: O.Okay., that’s getting boring. I instructed Mark I didn’t want any crazy people. How about this? Chances are you’ll license my title to your teaching-services agency. Identify it “Trump Educate U.” My lawyer is prepared exterior with the paperwork. You’re fired. Get out.
CONTESTANT No. 2: Hey, sir. I’m Dennis McClosky.
TRUMP: O.Okay., Dennis, what’s your story?
CONTESTANT No. 2: Correctly, I’m in a bit bit of a giant quantity. You see, just some years once more, a small enterprise I owned went bankrupt.
TRUMP: Good, good. Go on.
CONTESTANT No. 2: After which I acquired divorced.
TRUMP: Wonderful. I like what I’m listening to.
CONTESTANT No. 2: I acquired hooked on cocaine.
TRUMP: Correct. Would possibly you make it “I acquired hooked on opioids”? A lot of persons are saying that opioids are an infinite draw back.
CONTESTANT No. 2: Anyway, I haven’t filed a tax return in, like, fifteen years and I possibly owe quite greater than I would ever presumably improve in once more taxes and penalties.
TRUMP: I consider we have now now a winner proper right here. Don’t change an element, Dennis, you’re doing good.
CONTESTANT No. 3: Excuse me, I couldn’t help overhearing and I merely wished to ask Dennis a question. What’s your secret?
CONTESTANT No. 2: Merely unhealthy luck, I suppose. And the remedy.
CONTESTANT No. 3: (writing it down) And these had been opioids, you say?
TRUMP: What’s your title?
CONTESTANT No. 3: I’m your Secretary of Commerce, Wilbur Ross.
TRUMP: Secretary of what?
CONTESTANT No. 3: Commerce.
IVANKA: As a partner and mother, I’ve quite a bit respect for commerce.
CONTESTANT No. 3: Technically, I’m the former Secretary of Commerce. President Biden has appointed—
TRUMP: (fingers in ears and buzzing) Mmm, mmm, not gonna hear it. You’re the Secretary of Commerce until I hearth you. You’re fired. The second man, you’re the winner. O.Okay., quick, let’s do one different one, I receives a fee by the episode.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE (screaming V.O.): This has been a Mark Burnett manufacturing!