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Trump Claims Arizona Audit Uncovered Widespread Math

PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Hinting darkly that “there’s something going on,” Donald J. Trump claimed that the election audit in Arizona had turned up “widespread math.”

“There were people counting votes who used math to do it,” he said. “This should never have been allowed to happen in our country.”

Explaining how math was used to count votes, Trump said, “If you take one number and add another number to it, you get a totally different number. It’s unfair and, quite frankly, a disgrace.”

Trump blamed Arizona election officials for “allowing math to be used in the first place,” but also pointed the finger at his former Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos.

“Betsy promised me she would totally get rid of math in this country,” he said. “She didn’t get it done.”


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