WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what his campaign staff touted as his “November surprise,” Donald J. Trump on Sunday told the American people to wait in a parking lot for a coronavirus vaccine and buses will pick them up.
“Go to the nearest parking lot, and soon there will be a bus,” he said. “Very, very soon.”
Trump said that, in order to pick up all three hundred and thirty million Americans from parking lots, he had secretly launched a program called Operation Warp Bus.
“There will be shiny, gleaming buses to take you to the vaccine,” Trump said. “Just wait.”
Appearing on CNN, Dr. Anthony Fauci took a slightly different tack regarding Trump’s plan to pick up the entire population of the United States in buses.
“There are no damn buses,” Fauci said. “Please, make it stop.”